??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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