The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
well you can't waste a boner
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
