I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Actions speak louder than pants.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
