I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
