gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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