Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
