just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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