you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
