The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
