At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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