We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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