The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
