just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
