After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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