Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish you could order shots online.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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