Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
