How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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