She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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