ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
