we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
