two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
