Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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