Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
