My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She even gives head with a lisp.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize