worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
