its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
if i can run in heels then i can drive
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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