My first STD was from a foam party
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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