But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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