I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
