normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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