The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
