We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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