Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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