She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
ttyl tear gas
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
