Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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