Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he thought i was a dude.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
