He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
