I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
