am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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