So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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