People in love make me want to vomit
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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