Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
