piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
