your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
