Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
