i permit you to call me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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