But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
