Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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