Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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