im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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