Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
