I faked an abortion last night.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
