I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
