nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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