Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
