I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
