I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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