Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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