Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
