So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
