did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Can I color on your dick again?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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