I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
