Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
