she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
