We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dignity is for republicans.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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