its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Let's get the cat blown out
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize