I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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