Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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