Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
