i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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