Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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