when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize