just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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