spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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